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SNL Brought Broadway Underground with "Subway Churro"
The SNL Five Timer's musical parody was a love letter to the subway's most infamous characters and urban legends.
In the weeks leading up to February 16's three-hour 50th anniversary celebration on NBC, the team behind Saturday Night Live has selected one sketch from every single season — 50 seasons in 50 days — to represent the show's rich legacy across five decades. Presenting the sketch that embodies Season 47: "Subway Churro" starring Host John Mulaney.
Saturday Night Live's Broadway musical parodies starring John Mulaney have taken viewers to some of New York's most iconic locations: Greek diners that sell singing lobsters, the Port Authority Duane Reade, a bodega bathroom, and LaGuardia airport. And Mulaney's fifth New York musical, "Subway Churro," provided a showcase for a fresh group of Big Apple archetypes — and, like the others, referenced a host of show tunes.
The February 26, 2022 episode that brought "Subway Churro" was also the one that made former SNL writer Mulaney a member of the exclusive Five-Timers Club.
RELATED: John Mulaney's Latest SNL New York Musical Welcomed Back Pete Davidson
John Mulaney's "Subway Churro" was his fifth SNL New York musical
"Subway Churro" begins when a man (Andrew Dismukes) buys a churro and unknowingly unleashes a musical about the NYC subway's most infamous characters and urban legends.
"You sure you want to buy an unwrapped churro from a woman pushing a laundry cart who's holding it in her bare hands with a Starbucks napkin?" asks Mulaney, playing a newsstand attendant, after Dismukes' character says he wants "a churro to eat on the choo-choo ride home."
Mulaney's character calls upon "mole person" (Kenan Thompson) to tell the man what happens when you eat a churro bought on a subway platform — and the result is a musical medley fever dream with parodies of songs from classics like South Pacific, Fiddler on the Roof, Little Shop of Horrors, The Music Man, Dreamgirls, and more.
Other Season 47 cast members who bring the Great White Way to the subway include Cecily Strong, Kyle Mooney, Pete Davidson, Mikey Day, Alex Moffat, Chris Redd, Melissa Villaseñor, Punkie Johnson, Aristotle Athari, James Austin Johnson, and Sarah Sherman.
Kate McKinnon appears as a "puddle of unidentifiable origin" that glides across the subway car floor, and the episode's Musical Guest, LCD Soundsystem, even makes a cameo as the Guardian Angels gang who aim to protect New Yorkers while wearing their famous red berets and matching jackets.
RELATED: Watch John Mulaney Tell the Story of His SNL Audition and "the Call" from Seth Meyers
The maniacal musical reaches a climatic moment when Aidy Bryant appears dressed as "Jesus Christ Subway Car" — wearing a robe, beard, and... a New York Islanders beer helmet?
"Jesus Christ Subway Car / the helmet doesn't track with what we've known so far," sing the SNL cast members as they gather around Bryant, who delivers a subway platform miracle for everyone.
Watch "Subway Churro" from Saturday Night Live Season 47, Episode 13 above, and stream all 50 seasons of SNL on Peacock anytime.
The lyrics to SNL's “Subway Churro" Broadway musicals parody
[to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening" from South Pacific]
[MOLE PERSON]
Some disgusting evening
You will buy a churro
A loose unpackaged churro
And then your butt will bleed
And somehow you'll know
As soon as you chew
That an hour before you
A rat bit it too
[to the tune of "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof]
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
If I were a mole man
Ya ba dibba dabba dibba dabba dibba dabba dum
All day long I'd drink a shoe of rum
If I were a mole person
We'd never have to work
Ya ba dibba dabba dibba dabba dibba dabba dum
[MOLE PERSON]
I used to drive an Amazon van
Living in a hole is such a better plan
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
Now you feast on old, discarded ham
[NEWSSTAND GUY & MOLE PERSON]
If I were a filthy mole man
[to the tune of "Bali Ha'i" from South Pacific]
I am high on bath salts
Every night, every day
In my mind, you three are demons
If you touch me I eat your face
[to the tune of "Skid Row (Downtown)" from Little Shop of Horrors]
[ALL]
We're in Midtown
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
Where there's no food at night
[ALL]
You're in Midtown
[MOLE PERSON]
Where police horses fight
[ALL]
You're in Midtown
Where the traffic lights are for show
The land of finance bros
[to the tune of "The Wells Fargo Wagon" from The Music Man]
[ALL]
Oh, the F local subway is a-coming down the tracks
So please, let it stop for me
Oh, the F local subway is a-coming down the tracks
[MAN 2]
It's called the F because it's effing me
[WOMAN]
I got bitten by a pigeon on my birthday
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
In March I got airborne HPV
[CHURRO WOMAN]
Once I sat directly on the needle
[MOLE PERSON]
Our new mayor said he fixed it but I just got stabbed
(spoken)
[STABBER]
Giuliani says hello
[TRAIN CONDUCTOR]
Uh, this is the F train, running on the Q tracks, skipping random stations when I feel like it
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
But wait, this train is empty except for one guy in a trenchcoat
[GUY IN A TRENCHCOAT]
That's right, I cleared everyone out, you see
[to the tune of "Singin' In The Rain" from Singin' In The Rain]
I'm fapping on the train
Just fapping on the train
What a glorious feeling
I'm naked under here
(spoken)
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
Conductor, can't you just close the doors?
[TRAIN CONDUCTOR]
I would if Evan Hansen would move his backpack
[to the tune of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls]
[EVAN HANSEN]
And I am telling you
I'm not moving my backpack
(spoken)
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
That's from a different musical with Jennifer Hudson
[EVAN HANSEN]
Stop bullying me!
[WOMAN]
I gotta get that guy on bath salts
[NEWSSTAND GUY]
And look out on the floor of the train there's also a puddle of unidentifiable origin
[to the tune of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables]
[PUDDLE]
I am the liquid on the floor
Am I pee or Mountain Dew?
Don't worry I'm flowing towards the door
Just kidding I'm gonna touch your shoe
(spoken)
[GUARDIAN ANGELS]
Stop right there!
[MAN 2]
Emily in Paris?
[GUARDIAN ANGELS]
No, we're the Guardian Angels, and if you're looking for a fight you're gonna go through us
[JESUS]
Oh, really? I'm possibly the real Jesus Christ, wearing my famous New York Islanders beer helmet and if you want this subway you'll have to kill me again first
[MOLE PERSON]
Oh my God, it's all happening
[JESUS]
Just as the oracle predicted
[to the tune of "Superstar" from Jesus Christ Superstar]
[ALL]
Jesus Christ on the subway car
The helmet doesn't track with what we know so far
Jesus Christ wearing Crocs
Why does she have a spider in a box
Jesus Christ, she's pretty drunk
And churros for everyone
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ
Feasting on churros in paradise
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ
Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ
Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus Christ
RELATED: 50 Seasons in 50 Days: Pedro Pascal's on a Wild Ride in SNL's "HBO Mario Kart Trailer"
Watch SNL50: The Anniversary Special
Don't miss the three-hour SNL50: The Anniversary Special celebrating a half-century worth of sketches, cast members, Hosts, and other collaborators — it's sure to be a star-studded event.
Watch the special on Sunday, February 16 from 8-11 p.m. E.T. on NBC and Peacock.
The 50-day run-up to the special brings additional programming that takes a deep dive into the show: Peacock's four-part docuseries, Beyond Saturday Night, and a documentary on SNL's Musical Guests, co-directed by Questlove and premiering on NBC January 27, Ladies & Gentlemen ... 50 Years of SNL Music.
